Only Ours
by errantry
Summary: "Stiles' behavior had put a pit in Derek's stomach, the whole day Derek couldn't wait to try to make it all okay again. Because if Stiles isn't okay, Derek isn't okay."


Stiles has never been a huge fan of lying. It physically pained him when he uttered even a the smallest of white lies. The worst pain always came when he would lie to the ones closest to him. Especially Derek. It had been a strange day, today. Strangeness not only from the fact that he was surrounded by werewolves running about him for hours, but also from a light feeling he felt all over his body.  
Derek was in the center of the room, voice raised, lecturing the pack about something. Stiles was far in the back, away from the light that shined down over everyone's heads, in the shadows. Every once in awhile Derek would glance back to where he thought Stiles was standing and would think he had gone, but he was there. His usual attentive gaze wasn't fixed on Derek today. Any sudden change in Stiles' normal habits always sent nervousness coursing through him. He continued talking, trying to ignore the worry that clouded his thoughts.  
When night fell, Stiles finally was able to retreat into his bedroom. The shroud of normalcy was comforting. He was cut off from everything for a while. That feeling was still there. Stiles would describe it as every sad feeling you've ever felt, because there are many types of sad feelings, rolled into one. The entire day he was in a state of almost crying, when one can feel the sadness forming, but there's nothing to fuel the tears.  
Stiles heard the window slowly slide open and felt him enter the room. Derek would do this often, sneak into his bedroom, when the loneliness was too great or when the wind rattled the charred window panes of his decaying house. Everything reminded him of his sister, the way the wood smells, the creaking of the floorboards, the chill of the evening air, even his own reflection. He truly can't escape her. Being around Stiles, though, takes his mind off of her, of everything. The kid has some magical gift, to be able to take Derek's mind off of everything confuses him to no end.  
"You were acting strange today," Derek said, turning on the light. Stiles never turned around to look at him. "You okay?"  
"Yup." He lied even though he knew Derek could hear his heart. He always tried, thinking if he could trick himself into believing it, his heart would play along. He opened his mouth to say more but closed it quickly.  
"Come on, Stiles," Derek sighed, standing close behind him, watching the laptop screen over his shoulder. Derek could hear his heart beating faster as the moments passed. "You know you can trust me. You don't have to lie. I'm not Scott or Lydia or anyone else, it's me."  
"I forgot, okay." Stiles stood up and turned around, tears forming in his eyes. It's the hardest thing for him to talk about. The one thing that brings him the most unimaginable amount of pain. The words get stuck in his throat and Derek is looking at him with true concern in his eyes. "I forgot. Since all this werewolf stuff happened I haven't been thinking about anything else. I've been worried about Scott and you. I can't believe I forgot. The whole day I've had this weird feeling in my chest, like something horrible is happening and I couldn't figure out what it was. Then I came home, my dad cooked dinner, he never cooks dinner. We sat and ate, then he went to bed early and that didn't even remind me. Then I come up here and look at the date and I realized. My mom... I fucking forgot, Derek. How could I?" Tears rolled down his face as he spoke, his hands began to shake. Derek stepped closer, Stiles' heartbeat loud in his ears. "I can't talk about it with Scott or anyone, no one gets it. It's the worst thing to ever happen to a kid and I forgot." His voice raised as he spoke those last words and he began to sob, hands covering his face.  
"I get it," Derek whispered, he wrapped his arms around Stiles and pulled him to his chest. "It's okay. You've had a lot on your mind. You're more worried about Scott than anything. It's understandable, you've been thrown into this new world that you never knew existed, it's terrifying and all consuming." Derek tightened his arms around Stiles, the tenderness of his voice slowing the sobs. "I know what it's like to lose something so important. Your view on the world shifts because you no longer have that safety net, even the simplest things are daunting." Stiles listened to Derek speak, his crying just about stopped, he focused on steadying his breathing and matching it with the other man's.  
Derek was warm, his arms strong keeping Stiles on his feet. He suddenly realized that he hasn't felt cared for in a very long time. He hasn't even been caring for himself, really. Always putting everyone's problems before his own, he hasn't assessed his emotional state in a long time. He felt compassion radiating off of Derek and making him feel alright again. They both sat down on his bed, Stiles wiping his face and Derek watching him, his handing running up and down Stiles' was that moment before Stiles broke down when he realized something. No one had ever looked at him like Derek had looked him, like the whole world was going to fall apart because he wasn't acting normally. Stiles' behavior had put a pit in Derek's stomach, the whole day Derek couldn't wait to try to make it all okay again. Because if Stiles isn't okay, Derek isn't okay. They bounce off each other, Stiles didn't realize until now. Is this what Scott feels when he looks at Allison? The way they were thrown together into a friendship that's starting to spin into something else, something encompassing, has to be unique to them. They're both feeling things they never thought were possible. Derek, thinking he could never care about anyone ever again because all the one's he's loved have been ripped from him and Stiles, who never thought anyone could love him. They both have what each other needs and they're going to give it to each other. They're going to keep it secret, let it be only theirs.


End file.
